As a life coach and positive parenting trainer, I help many clients achieve their New Year’s resolutions and goals. I’ve found that helping clients clearly define their goals is a powerful way to help them achieve the things they want in life. You see, when you write goals, you actually decide on the outcomes you want. Your clearly defined outcomes then become a very strong motivator and guiding force in getting you to where you want to go.

Below are 4 easy steps to help you successfully write your goals.

1.   Write your goals down and make sure you use positive language

Written goals make it easier to focus on your desired outcomes as they are clear and concise.  Written goals are much easier to track than ones that are floating around in your head. There will be no confusion about the outcomes you are aiming for.

When you write your goals, make sure you use the SMART goal setting system.   SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timely.

To make your goals more powerful, write them down and make sure you focus on what you actually want rather than what you don’t want.  So instead of saying “I don’t want to get into more debt in 2020”, replace it with “I will have paid off all my debts by June 2020” or “I want to have $10,000 savings in the bank by December 2020”.

When I help my clients write goals we use a simple table with two columns, one is called ‘Goal’ and the second column is called ‘Completion Date’.

For example:  Goal: Replace old deck             Completion Date: July 2020.

2.   Prioritise your goals

Now that you’ve written down everything you want to achieve in 2020, it’s time to figure out where you’re going to start.  To avoid unnecessarily scattering your focus and effort, choose 3 top priority goals to initially work towards.  As you achieve each one of your chosen goals, replace it with the next one on your list until you’ve achieved everything you want for the year.

3.   Write an action plan to make sure you achieve goals

Go through each goal and decide what you need to do to achieve it. With the example goal of ‘replacing old deck’, the actions could be: A.  Ring builders for quotes   B.  Select builder  C.  Have new deck in place by my birthday in May.

Make a fortnightly action plan and start putting actions into place.  Don’t forget to review your action plan every fortnight, tick off what you’ve achieved, cross off anything that’s no longer relevant and add more actions to accomplish in the next fortnight.

4.   Review your goals regularly
Tick off and celebrate the goals you’ve achieved and replace them with new goals.  Life can take some unexpected turns so make sure that you tweak and revise goals as your circumstances change.

If one of your goals at the beginning of the year is to complete a course for work, but you then get a job in a different field, remove that goal and replace it with another one.

I hope you found this article helpful .   If you’d like my expert help planning your next year and making sure you stay on track to successfully achieve the positive changes you want, then make sure you book in a session.

Wishing you happiness and success in 2020!

P.S. I sent you a video last week to help you review 2019.  Hopefully you enjoyed the exercise – you probably amazed yourself with how much you’ve actually achieved during the year!   To see it again or if you haven’t managed to do the review yet, follow this link.

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It can be so hard to know what to do as a parent when your child has just woken up from a bad dream.  They are upset, you are upset and it’s the middle of the night too which always makes everything seem worse.  This can become especially upsetting for parents when their kids have bad dreams on a regular basis.

What’s the difference between nightmares and night terrors?

Nightmares are bad dreams that generally happen towards morning.  Triple P, the positive parenting program developed by the University of Queensland in Brisbane, says that they occur most often in children between 3 and 5 years of age.  Children often wake after a nightmare feeling scared and upset. Nightmares may occur following upsetting events during the day or for no obvious reason at all.  If your child has a reoccurring nightmare, talk to them during the day about what’s worrying them.  Consult a professional for help if you’re unable to get to the bottom of it.

Night terrors are far less common than nightmares and this is where children obviously have a scary or distressing dream but they stay asleep – even though sometimes their eyes are open.  They mostly occur in the older toddler or preschool years.  It can be hard to wake them and it’s actually best not to as they won’t remember their night terrors when they wake up.

Why do night terrors occur?

Terrors can occur because your child has a high fever or following a busy or stressful day.  When my son, Jesse, was 3 he used to have night terrors following the separation of my ex-husband and myself.  It was upsetting for me to watch but there really wasn’t anything to worry about.  Although I didn’t know that at the time and of course worried that he’d be permanently emotionally scarred!

What are the symptoms of night terrors?

These are common symptoms that kids experience when they are in the grip of night terrors and it’s exactly what Jesse would experience too:

• Breathing rapidly
• Racing heart beat
• Loud, panicky calling out or screaming
• Out of control thrashing of arms and legs
• Sweating
• A glassy stare – looking but not seeing

Triple P suggest that if your child has more than 1 episode of night terrors in a 4 month period, then you need to seek professional help.  That’s exactly what I did when Jesse started experiencing night terrors on a weekly basis.  The psychologist I took him to really helped both him and myself understand what was at the bottom of his terrors.  Thankfully they started becoming less frequent as sessions continued before disappearing altogether.

What can you do to help your child get back to sleep?

Below are four easy to follow steps to help you calm your child and help them settle back to sleep after a distressing dream.

Comfort and reassure your child

Hold them close and explain that they’re safe.   Confidently tell them that things that happen in nightmares can’t really hurt them.    Try not to say that nightmares aren’t real because I’m sure they seemed real to your child and that may confuse them.   It’s really important to reassure them that they are safe because you are close by and there to look after them.

Listen to your child

Sometimes your child may want to talk about the nightmare and that’s totally understandable.  It helps us process emotions better when we can talk through them and talking through upsetting events can help us put things into perspective.  As a parent, the best thing you can do is to calmly listen to them and to not look worried.

Help your child relax

To help your child go back to sleep, encourage them to calm down and relax.  You can teach some simple mindfulness techniques like taking 3-5 deep breaths and/or going floppy like a rag doll.   Try not to lie down with them too often as this can lead to more sleep disruptions and fears in the future.  Just wait until they have calmed down sufficiently so that they are relaxed and then leave as you normally would when you put them to bed.

Leave a light on

Leaving a night light on can really help your child work out that they’re safe in their bedroom if they have another nightmare.   This can help them realise that their dream was just a dream.  In reality they’re safe and sound in their bedroom.

Are there any other parenting worries that I can help you solve?   I’m an experienced  positive parenting trainer and life coach. Over the last decade I have helped numerous clients and parents raise happy, confident and resilient kids through positive parenting training and coaching.   I have 15 positive parenting, life coaching and psychology-related qualifications which include Triple P.  I run various positive parenting in Brisbane and also provides tailored coaching sessions for parents.

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Do you remember your new year’s resolutions?  Yes I’m talking about the ones you decided on just over 3 short months ago.  If you’re anything like 92% of the population then you will have forgotten all about them by now.

Isn’t it frustrating when you’re filled with good intentions to make positive changes and then you lose motivation and come off the tracks?  Or maybe you have procrastinated and haven’t even started on them yet.  If you’re in the procrastinator category, then I have some top tips that have really helped my clients to get cracking and achieve what they want.

Follow these 5 proven tips to help you overcome procrastination.

1.            Focus on your why.  Think about all the reasons you wanted to get it done in the first place.  Then use this ‘why’ to get you motivated.  I find this works really well when I’m trying to talk myself  out of going to the gym.  I focus on the outcome and visualise having a toned and fit body and feeling really good when I do some exercise or my friends compliment me on looking fit.  And I stop thinking of reasons  to not go to the gym, I just get changed and get in the car.  It’s quite effective.

“TOMORROW – a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored” 

2.            Don’t blow things out of proportion.  You may have heard of the term catastrophising.  It’s a psychological term for blowing things out of proportion.  This is where you over estimate the amount of effort it will take to complete a task and the hassle it will cause you, thereby putting yourself off doing it altogether.  Realise what you ‘re doing and put things into perspective.  Ask yourself:  On a scale of 1-100, how likely is it that the thing I’m worried about will happen?  Psychologists say that 95% of what we worry about never comes to pass.

3.            Take action.   The best way to overcome procrastination is to take action.  In his book ‘The Compound Effect’, success author Darren Hardy says that once you decide on your goals, take action “Do not delay; decide what you can do now. Within the next 24 to 48 hours, what will you do to put at least one of your goals into action? “.  When you take action you will start the ball rolling and it will make it much easier to keep going and continue the momentum.   Don’t think about it, just do one task in your action plan to get going.  When you have finished that do another one, then another.  Don’t forget to congratulate yourself for what you’ve completed.

4.            Avoid distractions so you keep focused on your task.  Turn off your mobile phone (or turn it to silent if that freaks you out too much) for one hour at a time.   Minimise the amount of times you look at your emails to 3 times a day, rather than every 15 minutes.  Every time you get interrupted, your focus shifts off the task at hand and then it takes extra energy and focus to switch back to it.  You also lose valuable ideas when you’re distracted.

5 .             Be realistic about what you can achieve.  Do you get carried away when you start making a to-do list and just keep adding to it?  It’s fantastic you’re so motivated but let’s be realistic about what you can achieve with the time you have.  If you keep having more tasks or goals on your list and then you don’t achieve them you will start feeling like you’ve failed.   That’s not good for your self esteem and it will put you off trying again.  Don’t set yourself up for failure.  I suggest to clients who struggle with procrastination that they write down their top 3 priority actions for the morning or afternoon.  There’s nothing stopping you from adding more to it if you have time.

Now that you’re starting to tick things off the list don’t forget to congratulate yourself on completing them.  Celebrating your successes feeds your confidence and self esteem which in turn will help you more motivated to set and achieve more goals.

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It’s important that kids and teens minimise the time they spend sitting still every day.  If you’re not sure what’s appropriate screen time for your child then have a look at the Australian guidelines for screen time below.  They recommend that:

• under-2’s have no regular screen time at all
• 2 to 5-year-olds have no more than one hour a day
• children aged from 5 to 17 years limit their screen time to no more than two hours per day.

They also recommend to break up long periods of screen time as often as possible.  (Source:  www.growinggoodhabits.health.qld.gov.au)

Psychologists are well aware of the negative effects on our kids when they have any more screen time than is recommended.   In fact, Psychologist Victoria Dunckley M.D. says that ‘Screen time is Making Kids Moody, Crazy and Lazy’.  (Source:  psychologytoday.com)

Even more reasons to enjoy the following fun activities that stimulate your kids’ creativity and imagination.    There is something for every situation and income level.  Just remember, you don’t have to do all the work here, it’s actually better for you to ask your child for their input into the ideas.  That will make them even more motivated to use their creativity and get involved in the activities.

Make a holiday ideas jar. Find an empty jar or funky container and if required ask the kids to decorate it.  Cut up squares of paper and ask your kids to write down their holiday ideas, fold up each paper and stick it in the jar or container.  Each morning, one person is asked to pull out an idea.

Bake something. Ask your kids what favourite baking they would like to do and bake together.   If they can’t think of anything or if you’d like to use particular ingredients then name those ingredients and ask them to find a recipe that contains them.

Do a crafty project. Search for ideas on-line or borrow an arts and crafts book from the library.  Ask each of your kids to select one idea each that they can make.

Have some family colouring-in time. Print off some free kids’ colouring pages from sites like Crayola.com.   There are plenty of different subjects so that everyone can find something they like, ranging from sports to animals.  You can also download some adult colouring in pages so that you can join your kids.

Plan a treasure hunt. This will really use your kids’ imagination and creativity and you can easily do it in-doors if it’s too hot or raining.   If they don’t have any idea where to start then you can do some on-line research first and guide them by giving them some examples.   Don’t do it all for them though, the whole idea is to stimulate their creativity. Plenty of websites provide treasure hunt clues, just put in the search term ‘treasure hunt clues’.

Build an indoor tent or fort.  They can use couches, washing pegs or bulldog clips and some bed sheets and anything else that’s handy.

Anky Balfoort is  an experienced  positive parenting trainer and life coach. She has helped numerous clients and parents raise happy, confident and resilient kids through positive parenting training and coaching.   She has 15 coaching, positive parenting and psychology-related qualifications which includes Triple P.  She runs various positive parenting courses in Brisbane and also provides tailored coaching sessions for parents.  

The post Stop boredom and reduce screen time in the Easter school holidays with these fun ideas appeared first on Cohesive Coaching.

For best success, make sure you get everyone’s inputs as this will help with motivation and commitment.   If people feel they’ve had no say in a decision they will feel forced and are hardly going to be enthusiastic about following it through.  Choose just 2-3 goals for starters and make them specific and measurable so that it’s easier to stick to them and to measure your progress against them.

Once you start achieving your goal regularly and it has become a habit, then add another goal.  So if you and your kids decide that you will walk the dogs at least 3 times a week together as a family then once you’ve been doing that solidly for a few months, start working on your next goal.  Make sure you don’t drop off the ‘walking the dogs’ goal however.

Ideas for Healthy and Fit New Year’s Resolutions

Below are some more ideas for your family’s health and fitness goals, just change them to fit your family situation:

• We will spend 30 minutes’ playing together outside at least 4 times a week
• We will add a physical activity or play time to the calendar.  For example a fitness class, tennis game, soccer game, beach visit.  We will give them the same priority and commitment as other important meetings
•  We will share a meal (whether it’s dinner or breakfast) together at least 5 days per week
• We will switch to whole-grain bread, pasta and cereals
• We will avoid using food as a reward
• When we feel stressed out we will use deep breathing and mindfulness to calm down
• When we feel angry we will do some intense exercise e.g. a run to burn off the anger
• etc.

Wishing you a health and happy new year!

Anky Balfoort is  an experienced  positive parenting trainer and life coach. She has helped numerous clients and parents raise happy, confident and resilient kids through positive parenting training and coaching.   She has 15 coaching, positive parenting and psychology-related qualifications which includes Triple P.  She runs various positive parenting courses in Brisbane and also provides tailored coaching sessions for parents.  

The post New Year’s health and fitness resolutions for families appeared first on Cohesive Coaching.

My colleague could see this was holding her back, but didn’t have the confidence or tools to overcome this.  I shared with her one of my favourite quotes:

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy”

I then gave her my 3 simple steps to boosting her confidence:

Step 1 – Preparation: Know your game plan 

Preparation is the key to feeling confident with meeting new people. Think of it like a sporting team, they don’t casually turn up to a game without a game plan and expect a good result. Treat your networking or social experience the same. Set your game plan, know the event well, understand who will be attending and have a plan of who you might like to talk to.  Google some easy conversation starters to help you along if you find it hard to make small talk.  Once you have this information you are ready for step 2….

Step 2 – Research: You have all the tools you need right at your fingertips  

Never before have we had the opportunity to research and find out vast amounts of information before even meeting someone, like we do today.  Facebook, LinkedIn and Google searches are all fantastic, fast ways to find out information.  Why not learn about people before you meet them? Most people naturally gravitate to others who have similar interests. If you know what these are, you’ll be a step ahead in being able to create a natural and easy conversation which will make you feel more confident.

Once you have mastered step number 2, remember step number 3 is key…

Step 3 – Stop talking and listen: The most important step

Most people think networking is all about talking, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.   The true key to developing any social interaction is firstly listening.   As Dale Carnegie, the best selling author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” says: “Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours”

Then secondly, asking questions.  Listen carefully to what the person has to say, and uncover more information by asking open questions.  Extend the discussion, by warmly inviting others in, for example “That’s so interesting Jenny, Keith what are your thoughts on …. “.

Are you holding yourself back from reaching your full potential?

My name is Anky Balfoort and I’m an experienced  life coach and positive parenting coach, helping people have better relationships, improved confidence and increased happiness.  I help people in all areas of their lives both professionally and personally.  I’m different from other life coaches due to the fact that my experience and qualifications allow me to work with people holistically on all aspects of their lives.  Additionally, if you are a parent, I can help you navigate that tricky road too!

To learn more, visit my website www.cohesivecoaching.com.au or contact me on 0430 392 737

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Here’s a great solution – come along to my Saturday workshop specifically scheduled to suit working parents of 0-12 year olds.  It combines all Group Triple P sessions normally delivered over 4 weeks into 1 workshop to give you all the skills in one go and make more effective use of your valuable time.   As well as learning indispensable skills from the Triple P material you will also learn my top resilience and esteem building tips and tools and tap into my various coaching techniques.

Next workshop:  Triple P Group (0-12) 1-day workshop

When: Saturday 21 October 2017 from 9.00am – 5.00pm

Where: The Professional Learning Professionals Hub, 17 Gould Road, Herston

Cost: $120 pp

This workshop will help you to:

• Raise happy, confident kids
• Manage misbehaviour so everyone in the family enjoys life more
• Set rules and routines that everyone respects and follows
• Encourage behaviour you like
• Take care of yourself as parents
• Feel confident you’re doing the right thing

Central location in Herston, Brisbane with free parking.  Morning and afternoon tea and all materials will be provided free.  Lunch can be purchased.  (Sorry no childcare available.)

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